


Teach me how to confess

by Kpooping



Series: Teach me [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: ..eventually..., ..rain it all gets better i promise, A Happy Ending, And Lance doesn't realize, Angst, But it gets better I promise, College - AU, Confessions, Jealousy, Keith has a crush, Lance's POV, M/M, Making Out, Making Up, Pining, Rejections, i love this one, keith's pov, tbh typical
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-21
Updated: 2016-10-31
Packaged: 2018-08-16 02:49:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8083735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kpooping/pseuds/Kpooping
Summary: Keith is a mess. His head is constantly swimming with emotions he can't form into sentences. He can't speak them out loud. He loves Lance, but he doesn't know if he's ever going to confess.So Shiro teaches him how.





	1. Keith

Keith avoids Lance for a solid week. The brunet doesn't seem to notice, he's got a lot of homework to do and dates to go on. Keith pretends he doesn't notice how happy Lance is every time he comes back from Allura's place.  
  
He's happy for him, he is. Keith's happy that Lance's happy but in the same time he's aching, and everyone seems to notice. Everyone but Lance.   
  
  
It's a rainy Saturday morning and Keith is behind his laptop, finishing the essay he was due two days prior. It's not his fault the depression is eating him away, and he gets told he's lazy on daily basis but he never speaks up or defends himself.   
He works in silence; everyone is sleeping still. It's barely 8 am, on Saturdays everyone get up round noon or 1 pm. So he absolutely has no idea why is the bedroom door opening and Lance is walking out, wearing a pair of lazy sweats that hang low on his lean hips, and an oversized shirt. He looks adorable, Keith thinks, and pries his eyes away from him.   
  
"Good morning~" Lance signs, lips stretching in a lazy grin.   
  
Keith swallows down, pretending he just wasn't eyeing him up. "Good morning. What are you doing up so early?" He asks. 

He watched Lance dance over the parquet; he was tall and lean and Keith swore that at some point, he was taking ballet classes because _come on,_ no one could be _that_ swan grateful.

He sits at the bottom of Keith's feet on the couch, leaning against the cushions and lifting his legs up.

"Spending the whole day with Allura." He answers with a smile and suddenly Keith is sorry that he asked. 

Lance lifts his feet up and tucks them between Keith's calves, seeking for warmth. His bare soles touch Keith's legs and the ravenette shrieks quietly.

"S-shit, your legs are cold?!" 

"That's why I'm trying to warm up, idiot!" Lance yells in a whisper, squinting his eyes at Keith and gesturing towards Pidge, Hunk and Shiro's room. 

Keith immediately shut his mouth, pulling his lips in a straight line. He didn't say anything else, or move his legs away. Lance's toes happily found purchase pressed against Keith's calves, and he spread his legs forward, feet sneaking up to his thighs. Keith flinched only slightly, body twitching and he tried to concentrate on writing. 

Lance doesn't ask why did Keith keep his distance. Keith hates himself for not trying and moving away from him, again, before he could do something stupid. For example, ask how's it going with Allura and did Lance ever used methods from Keith's 'lessons'. He doesn't want to know, he doesn't want to hurt himself. 

But he does it anyway. "S-so, uhm, when are you meeting with her?" He asks, trying to make it sound as casual as possible. 

"She's picking me up at eleven." Lance nods. 

Keith looks at the small digiral clock on his laptop. "It's only eight." He comments. "Why did you get up so early then?"

"Because of you." Lance fires without hesitation or second thoughts and Keith's heart throbs.

"W-what?" He asks, wide eyed and suddenly the essay he's working on isn't that important anymore. 

"Because I knew you'd get up early, you're always up early. You're always drinking alone and you.. You're avoiding me and I didn't know if I'd get another chance of just asking you- why?" 

Keith looks at him dumbfounded. So he has been noticing; he underestimated them greatly.

"I really d-don't know--"

"Keith, it's so obvious that you.. You're mad at me and I don't know why, and I know that we've never been _best friend_ close but we kissed for god's sake and I _squeezed your butt_ and I feel close to you on an odd physical level and I... Feel upset b-because I don't know I'm doing something wrong..? Did I do something, did I make you upset?" Lance is ranting, kind of, and it sounds so genuinely confused and upset. 

Guilt overwhelms Keith and suddenly he can't look at him anymore. Lance's eyes are large and worried, mouth parted as he breathed slowly, anticipating an answer that Keith doesn't have. He can't possibly tell him, could he? His feet dig into Keith's thighs, shuffling closer and suddenly it's too much contact for Keith. 

He moves his legs away and shuts his laptop. "I c-can't help you anymore. With A-Allura. I'm sorry but you'll h-have to find someone else to teach you." He says quickly, in one breath and stands up, gathering his laptop under his arm. 

He spares Lance one last glance that was too short for reading emotion, and heads towards his room. He could feel the atmosphere in the room switching and Lance's shoulders sagged, and he doesn't turn around as he leaves. And Lance doesn't follow.

 

 

It was perhaps ten minutes later that Keith hears the shower running, twenty more and the shower turns off, and then half an hour later Lance leaves the apartment. Without once knocking on his door to check up on him. Keith doesn't know if he should feel relieved or disappointed, but the unsettling thought that this could be the end of his and Lance's crippling friendship (and every possible slim chance that they could be something more) is vivid and Keith accepts it. He was never the one to fight strongly for what he wants.   
  
Thus why his whole life he's been alone.  
  
  
He promised himself he wouldn't think about Lance but, here he was, laying on his back and thinking about the way Lance had pulled him onto his lap, touched him like he would touch her, made him feel the way he wasn't supposed to. Lance didn't feel anything. It was platonic, one dude helping out another and there was nothing extravagant about that. Whilst Keith felt a whole array of emotions; embarrassment, undeniable attraction and shameful arousal, because in his head it was always a different scenario. It was always just him and Lance, without his omnipresent girlfriend. Keith didn't hate Allura, _how could he?_ , she made Lance happy. And everything that made Lance smile could only be dear to Keith. So, a part of him liked Allura. But the other part, the bigger, growing, dangerous part envied her. 

 

  
  
Keith and Lance met in High school, while they were Seniors. Keith was taking extra math classes with another class, and he usually occupied a seat in the last row next to the windows. No one was sitting there anyway, and he doubted anyone would want to sit next to a new emo kid with fingerless gloves. Apparently, that was not the case.  
  
The third time he enters the classroom on a Monday afternoon, someone is sitting there. _Someone_ , a boy, lanky and long, legs stretched in front of him as he was leaning back, two chair legs levitating off the ground. His arms were folded behind his back, and he was grinning widely to a story one of the guys that sat in front were telling. He snickered, cutely scrunching his nose up, eyes closing into little crescents.   
Keith could feel his heart throb at the image. He had shyly approached the guy he'd never seen before, lowering his black Nirvana backpack on the table.  
  
"Uhm." He murmured, as if announcing himself.   
  
The guys that were turned around to talk to Mr. Cute smile eyed Keith up disapprovingly, murmuring something under their breaths and turning around to face the front, even though the teacher was still not in the classroom. Keith couldn't bother to mind, he was used on being the lame guy everyone picked on.   
  
"I..usually sit there." He says, and the guy finally looks at him.  
  
And oh boy, it throws Keith on his ass because his eyes are just the perfect shade of blue, glistening with star explosions as he shifts his gaze to look up at him. And he smiles, _he fucking smiles_ as long as his soft looking pink lips would go, dimples forming in his cheeks. "Oh, well. _I_ usually sit here; Missed last two times."   
He says and his voice is soft, almost friendly, nowhere as teasing and rude as it would be if someone else from this class spoke to him.  
  
Keith shifts uncomfortably. Shit. He shouldn't have even approached. He nods curtly and makes a move to grab his backpack, but the boy speaks up again and straightens in his seat. "Which doesn't mean you can't sit next to me."   
  
Keith's eyes are wide as he looks at his arm, suggesting at the empty chair next to him. Keith rises a brow at him and the boy only nods. So he pulls out the chair and sits down awkwardly, unzipping his bag to take his notebook out. He could feel him watching him, studying his profile and Keith fights the urge to simply leave the classroom.   
  
"I love your bag." The boy murmurs, propping his pointy chin on the center of his palm.   
  
"Uh, you listen to Nirvana?" Keith asks, turning his head to face him. In this whole goddamn school, he hadn't met a single person who's recognized the logo.   
  
"Yeah, man!"  
  
Keith feels himself smile and relax. This is a good start, band talk. Look at him, socializing! His mother would've been proud. "What's your favorite song?" He asks quietly.  
  
"I love Heart-Shaped Box. Literally, that's my favorite. But I also _love_ Polly, like a little kid I've been trying to learn it on a guitar." He chuckles. "Name's Lance, by the way." He says and outstretches his hand. Keith feels like he's dying.  
  
Handsome, blue eyes, pretty smile, good taste in music, plays a guitar _and_ taking advanced math classes? _Could he get more perfect?_

  
  
Later he finds out that Lance is straight, and he tries not to have too much contact with him for the lest of the school year.

 

Keith graduates, moves to New York and enrolls into one of the best Universities. It's not until week four that he notices his brown hair and his blue eyes, sitting in the cafeteria with his feet perched on the table, with three other guys that must've been his friends.  
He wonders if transferring would be a good option right now, but all of his hopes fall into deep, cold water when he calls his name.  
  
"Yo, Mullet boy?? Is that you?"  
  
Keith wants to run, but his feet are frozen and he's watching Lance approaching him, with a bright grin on his lips, arms spread.   
  
Long story short, his long forgotten high school crush is back, in the form of a God-like human being. Lance has grown, and so did Keith and they were both matured and more handsome versions of themselves than they were one year ago.  
Oh, and Keith makes friends! For the first time in his sad life, he makes friends that accept them into their little circle as if he's been with them from the beginning. Keith is immensely happy about that.  
  
There's Pidge; the too-smart-for-their-age short ball of rage that could fix absolutely anything; from white goods to simplest of phone bugs. They're very compassionate even though they don't show it, but Keith has witnessed numerous of times of Pidge staying up with Lance to help him with his homework, fighting Hunk's bullies away and taking him out on ice cream after, talking to Keith about his feelings and bothers. Keith always thought of Pidge as a younger sibling.  
  
Then, there's Hunk. Tall and relatively big guy with the warmest and biggest heart that ever existed. He absolutely loves cooking and he's always in the kitchen, trying out new meals and goods that gets everyone taste buds dancing. Hunk's will to help and nurture and protect is bigger than himself, and Keith always kind of pictured him as _the mom friend._  
  
The last but not least, is Shiro. He had to repeat the year due to a car accident he was in; getting a pretty nasty scar over his nose, and losing his arm in the process. He's been wearing a prosthetic arm since then, that Keith hadn't even noticed it until the man had pointed it out. He was the oldest of the bunch, tall with broad, muscular shoulders and narrow waist that seemed equally strong. He was the kind of guy you felt intimidated by, but once you get to know him, he's a real sweetheart. Shiro is the clumsy one, that gets the jokes five minutes later, using 'xD' non ironically and sending overused memes in the group chat. Keith loves him for it, honestly, and he's as emotionally constipated as Keith is, sometimes. He finds it the easiest to talk to him about his problems.  
  
  
One month in, and Keith's feelings for Lance return. They weren't sudden, like in that lethal moment he first met him. They're slow and undercover, gradually eating Keith alive and consuming his heart until one day, he realizes, that he's in fucking love with Lance McClain. That he's been in love since the day he called him _'Mullet boy',_ that he's been in love with him since the day Lance made a group chat and added four of them in it, naming it _'The Space Squad'_. That he's been head over heels for Lance since the moment they started classes together, again, since he asked to borrow a pen because the fucking idiot forgot to bring one on their first class.   
  
  
He's been in love with Lance, three months after, when he announced that he had a girlfriend.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Keith doesn't know how many hours have passed, but his pillow is wet from silent tears that kept sliding down his cheeks at the flashbacks and he could hear Hunk in the kitchen, operating with the pans, probably making breakfast.   
He's been used to the silence so much he gets started at the soft knock on the door, and a gentle voice calling.  
  
"Keith..? It's Shiro, are you up? Can I come in?"  
  
"U-uh.." Keith quickly sits up, fixes his shirt and wipes his cheeks with the back of his hand. He turns the pillow on the other side so the wet splotches wouldn't be visible. "Y-yeah?"  
  
Shiro takes it as a sign to enter, and he pushes the door open, walking in. He's dressed in his long black pajamas with Daffy the Duck drawn on it, only color is a vibrant orange beak and legs. Keith snorts at the childish image of his twenty one year old friend.   
Shiro approaches the bed and sits down, it dipping under his weight. He props one leg up and faces Keith, who tries to keep a straight face and not break under the overwhelming pressure. Shiro knows everything, though, and it doesn't surprise Keith when he asks:  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
Keith nods his head. Then shakes it. Then nods it again.   
  
He knows he can trust Shiro. He knows he can tell him everything that's bothering him but in the same time, he doesn't want to admit it to himself.   
  
"It's about Lance, isn't it?"  
  
"When is it not about him..?" He snorts softly, and wipes under his eyes. Shiro offers a sympathetic smile.  
"I told him, t-today. What you suggested. That I won't help him around Allura anymore." He says, and Shiro nods, giving him space to talk. "And then I left and then he left and we never said anything to each other. H-he probably thinks that I hate him. Or that he did something wrong. I.. I'm so fucked up, Shiro."   
  
Keith sighs and Shiro pulls him closer, until Keith rests his forehead against Shiro's strong shoulder, letting his shoulders sag pitifully. "I think that you should.. Tell him, Keith. Tell him how you really feel. Tell him how you've been feeling all these months. He can't blame you for it, you can't blame yourself either. We don't choose who we fall in love with." Shiro chooses his words carefully and Keith feels himself smile a little. He's always like that; warm and gentle and considerate. He wonders why he didn't fall for Shiro instead.   
  
"I c-can't-"  
  
"You can. Trust me, Keith. Please. If he doesn't feel the same it's..going to take some time before you heal and its going to return back to normal, I promise."  
  
"What do you mean _if_ , Shiro? He's fucking straight, there's no _if_." Keith grunts, upset that he's trying to give him false hope. He didn't need that. He needed the brutal truth. And that was that him and Lance will never, ever be together.   
"You know what, I should just confess. Just fucking tell him that I like him and get this shit over with so I can move on." Keith decides in a second, pulling away from Shiro.   
  
Shiro looks stiff, as if he knows something Keith doesn't, but the ravenette doesn't pry into it. "I.. Just, be careful, okay? Our Lance is made of glass, and you know that. Don't make him hate himself for not noticing... and don't blame yourself for feeling that way." He advises.   
  
Keith nods, and thanks Shiro, lifted by a new kind of reassuring energy that gives him the courage to prepare a small talk for when Lance comes, and actually confesses to him.   
  
  
That courage, however, chickens out by the time Lance comes home.   
  
  
It's around 8 pm and Shiro purposely took Hunk and Pidge out, so the two could have time together. If things take _an unexpected turn_ , quoted by Shiro, and Keith wants to hit him again. Keith showers and changes into something other than sweats and a black shirt. Its _jeans_ and a black shirt this time, with a pair of red socks. He looks less dead now, he concludes, when his hair was washed and dried, face without those hideous purple bags under his eyes.   
  
He waits on the couch with the TV on, not even paying attention as he repeats the speech in his mind. Its horrible and cringy and he feels sick to his stomach, but nothing could prepare him for the massive throb in his chest when the bell rings. Of course that Lance forgot his keys. Of course that he did.   
  
Keith rips his ass off the couch and slowly moves towards the door, cautiously, as if he's the pray and the door is the predator. Or well, the person standing behind them.   
He unlocks the door, counts to three in his head and then slowly opens them. And there he is, standing so tall and fucking gorgeous and suddenly everything that Keith has been revising dies and evaporates into thin air.   
  
Lance's face twists into a sad, forced little smile and he stands awkwardly, waiting for Keith to let him in. The shorter finally realises he's been staring at Lance for like, five solid seconds, and he jumps and finally moves away.   
  
"H-hey." He murmurs nervously.  
  
"Hey." Lance replies, not bothering to take his shoes off as he hangs his jacket on the rack, then turns to face Keith.  
  
The hall is pretty narrow, perhaps a meter and something from wall to wall. Keith is leaned against one and Lance opposite of him, and they're looking at each other in dreadful silence.  
  
And then they both speak at the same time: "We need to talk."  
  
Lance blinks. "You first."  
  
"No, you first." Keith replies, but then shakes his head. "N-no wait, I'll go first. I don't think I'll have the courage later." Keith changes his mind and stands up straight, to appear taller. "I h-have...I would.. I want to a-apologise." He settles with it.  
  
"For..?"  
  
"For. For.. I.. I've been distant and..ignoring you and f.for like.. yelling this morning and saying what I said." He says, his voice not as shaky as he thought it would be.   
  
"Y-you don't have to apologise for that, Keith.. You're not..obliged to help me, if you don't want to." Lance says, his shoulders relaxing and he seems kind of relieved.   
  
Keith hates himself so much when he continues. "I..I'm n-not.. I didn't say that b-because I didn't want to do it anymore.. T-the thing is, I w-wanted to. H-help you. Lance I-- I was.. I was being s-selfish-" he trips on his own tongue, not even recognizing the words hes saying. "I.. I felt.. completely different.. than you.. I was.. I was taking advantage of you, t-through that, kind of? I.. You w-were doing it for Allura and you and I w-was..doing it.. mostly for myself.." Keith says, lifting his hands up as he explains, eyes wandering over Lance's face that sports five expressions in the same time. Mostly confusion, though.  
  
"W-what..? I don't understand.."   
  
"Lance I.. I fucking.. Okay, fuck, here it goes. I like you. I d-do. I fucking like you, have been...having feelings for you since day one, alright? I just..haven't realized how fucking bad I had it until you asked me to teach you how to kiss and we fucking kissed and it..didn't mean anything to you and it meant the world to me a-and.. I was..selfish.. Imagining you w-with me, only m-me and.. Why the fuck am I telling you this?" He rants, looking down at his hands, then balls them into fists and presses them to his sides.  
  
"T-the point is that I've b-been an asshole towards y-you the whole time because I had feelings f-for you. A-and I.. came to terms with the fact that..it's not going to happen. You and I. A-and I wanted to apologise for the nth fucking time and promise you t-that I'll g-get over you and.. That I'll start b-being your friend." He finishes, taking a deep breath.   
  
And only then does he look up, seeing Lance's expression. The boy seems lost. Confused, embarrassed, shy, hurt, lost? Everything in once. Keith had kind of hoped, _hoped_ that Lance would smile and tell him _hey, I've been feeling the same but I had a beard for like months to cover how gay I actually am._  
  
He doesn't say that. He doesn't say anything in fact, just stands there, staring at Keith but in the same time looking through him, processing everything.   
  
"P-please say something.." Keith begs, his voice finally cracking under the pressure and nervousness he's feeling. All of his hopes go to shit, honestly, because Lance looks nothing but happy and relieved. He looks almost pained.   
  
"Lance? A-anything, I promise I'll c-change, I won't-" He stops when Lance moves. He's quick to take a step forward and Keith backs away, back hitting the wall.  
  
For a moment he thinks Lance will kiss him, he's leaning over him and he's waiting for his palms on his cheeks but they never come. Instead, Lance reaches for his jacket and pulls it off the rack, hastily tugging it over his arms. He's face is red, with anger or something else Keith doesn't know, but he's too weak to stop him.   
  
"P-please-" He tries again but Lance doesn't even look back as he leaves the apartment, shutting the door behind him and the force makes the pictures on the wall shake.  
  
  
Keith keeps staring at the door, left to rot in the silence of the apartment. He slides down the cold, white wall, plopping on his ass and burying his head in his arms.   
  
  
It's over. 


	2. Lance

Shiro was the first one to notice.

He was the first one he was told, anyway.

  
He met Lance in College, his first week of repeating the year due to his car accident. The boy was boisterous, flashy, noticeable, intelligent; every positive trait to his extroverted nature. Shiro immediately felt drawn to him, and it wasn't long before they became friends.

Since the moment he was labeled as Lance's friend, his life flipped upside down. Suddenly, there was so much more drama and action and his days were filled with going outs, hanging outs, getting into squads, receiving gossips and secrets and swearing to keep his lips sealed. He was discovering a completely new side of College life, thanks to Lance McClain, and quite frankly, he loved it.

His life was fulfilled.

  
Lance kept talking about a boy. Tall, but shorter than him. Long hair, coal black, and blue eyes. He never said the name, said it wasn't important. That he'd never see him again. That it wasn't meant to happen.  
They often squeezed together in Lance's bed, laying on their backs, watching the ceiling. Lance was talking most of the time - Shiro preferred listening - and the other boy sneaked glances at him. He was always smiling. Always.

  
"You, know, like.. I don't think anyone influenced me as much as he did. Even though he didn't speak much, and even though I was rambling most of the time, there was..something about him. Something that made me coming back, reaching for more.." He'd talk about him like they were old friends, like they've known each other for years, and not just a couple of months.

  
Shiro pretty much figured it out, even though Lance had never verbally voiced it; He was in love with him. With the anonymous boy that Shiro had never found out the name of.

  
Until, four weeks in, he met Keith.

  
Shiro immediately recognized him; he didn't need to see Lance's expression to know. And when he _did_ look at Lance, the boy had _that_ look on his face, where his eyes were wide and mouth ajar, fingers shaking around the fork he was clutching. It's him. He recognized him, too. He knew that it was him, the boy he always talked about, like he consumed all that is Lance, like Lance belonged to him.   
  
And then Lance swallowed thickly, and dropped the fork, and threw on his signature smirk when he shouted:  
  
  
"Yo, Mullet boy?? Is that you?"  
  
  


x  
  
  
  
It was a Saturday, that type of Saturdays which he spent with Allura. He grew used to it, getting up in the morning, doing his routine, writing a small note and leaving it on the table for everyone to see:   
  
_'I'll be out with Allura, don't expect me 'till late~'  
_  
  
This morning, though, was different.   
  
  
He purposely woke couple of hours earlier, because he just knew Keith will be up, and he didn't speak to Keith in days and oddly, he missed his crazy mullet. He _needed_ to talk to him; the air around them was awkwardly painful and each time, they simply left each other's sides.   
It was raining, and Lance _loved_ the rain, but today it wasn't in his favor. It meant coldness and dampness and he needed warmth and support, he needed a hint that it will be okay.   
  
He pushes himself out of the bed, briefly checks his outfit, and decides that his pajamas and bed hair look harmless enough. Long, thin fingers wrap around the handle hesitantly but he pushes it down and pulls the door open, walking out with an improvised grin on his face.   
  
"Good morning~"  
  
He misses the expression on Keith's face, and how his eyes drink him up when he makes himself present, catching him by surprise: "Good morning. What are you doing up so early?" He asks.   
  
Lance moves the bare soles of his feet against the parquet, soft and slow, making absolutely no noise as he walked towards the old, shaggy couch Keith was seated on. He plops down, right by Keith's feet, and pulls his legs up.   
  
"Spending the day with Allura." He answers, and offers a smile, that was in no way as enthusiastic as it should be. Keith's expression shifts to something dark and to Lance unknown, but he doesn't comment. Instead, he shifts his legs and pushes his cold feet between Keith's calves, eager for warmth.   
  
"S-shit, your legs are _cold_?!"   
  


"That's why I'm trying to warm up, idiot!" Lance yells in a whisper, squinting his eyes at Keith and gesturing towards Pidge, Hunk and Shiro's room. 

Keith immediately shut his mouth, pulling his lips in a straight line. He didn't say anything else, or move his legs away. Lance's toes happily found purchase pressed against Keith's calves, and he spread his legs forward, feet sneaking up to his thighs. He was testing. His eyes glance at Keith curiously, and he almost opts to press his foot _dangerously close_ to his crotch. Keith flinched only slightly, body twitching and he tried to concentrate on his writing. That goddamn laptop.  
  
"S-so, uhm, when are you meeting with her?" Keith suddenly asks, and Lance feels like he purposely avoided saying her name.   
  
"She's picking me up at eleven." Lance nods.   
  
Keith looks at the small digital clock on his laptop. "It's only eight." He comments. "Why did you get up so early then?"

"Because of you." Lance fires, right after Keith hung the question, and there's no hesitation in his voice.   
  
"W-what?" Keith asks, wide eyed and startled, his pink cheeks now crimson.  
  
"Because I knew you'd get up early, you're always up early. You're always drinking alone and you.. You're avoiding me and I didn't know if I'd get another chance of just asking you- why?"  Lance rambles, and his voice shakes somewhere in the middle, and when he notices, Keith's gaze falters and he avoids Lance's eyes.

"I really d-don't know--"

Lance doesn't let him finish: "Keith, it's so obvious that you.. You're mad at me and I don't know why, and I know that we've never been _best friend_ close but we kissed for god's sake and I _squeezed your butt_ and I feel close to you on an odd physical level and I... Feel upset b-because I don't know I'm doing something wrong..? Did I do something, did I make you upset?" Lance is ranting, kind of, and it sounds so genuinely confused and upset.   
  
Keith doesn't answer for a while, and Lance feels desperate. He sits up straight, and lets his chest sway, and he leans forward on his hands. He's closer to Keith now, and he's staring _right in his eyes_ , but the boy only looks away and swallows.

"I c-can't help you anymore. With A-Allura. I'm sorry but you'll h-have to find someone else to teach you." Keith says quickly, in one breath and stands up, gathering his laptop under his arm.   
  
He turns around, and the gaze that meets Lance's is so short he could barely read anything. He leaves into his room, shutting the door and suddenly the room is even colder than it was. Lance's shoulders sag, and he buries his face in his hands.   
  
  
He sits for a while, until he decides it's enough and he's in move again. He has to leave the house, he can't be here, it's too clogged and he can't breathe.   
  
Allura does pick him up at 11, just like she promised, and they set off. Allura is happy and she's shining, and Lance is throwing on a fake smile and hoping she doesn't notice. He doesn't deserve her. Honestly, he never deserved her.   
  
They're in the car and Allura is telling him something, holding his hand and brushing her thumb over the soft meat of his palm. She's always been the " _dominant_ " one in their relationship, thus taking care of Lance and being the one in charge for almost everything. Strangely, neither of the minded.  
Lance could barely focus on her words, his mind is elsewhere.   
  
He's thinking of the day he met her. She was beautiful and charming, hard to get and Lance loved challenges. It's been two months since him and Keith reunited and he truly wanted to continue what he had started in High school but Keith.. Seemed different. Closed off and unapproachable. It's over, it's over, it's over, you ruined your chances, Lance kept repeating and soon enough, he started believing it. And he found the solace in Allura; she was everything Keith was not and, one month later, Lance asked her to be his girlfriend.   
  
He hoped she could fulfill the painful and throbbing gap in his heart, and he felt horribly guilty for _using her_ to make himself forget.   
  
"--and then Mr. Holden was like, _Allura, you gotta_ \- Lance?" It took him a while before he realized Allura stopped speaking, now looking at his profile. "Lance?" She tried again.  
  
"Huh?" He flinched, hand suddenly jumping and gripping her fingers softly, out of surprise. "S-sorry, yeah?"  
  
"Are you..oookay?" She eyed him suspiciously.   
  
"Yeah, I'm fine, you were saying?" Lance smiled, hoping to cover up the clues of dark, heavy thoughts that just occupied his mind.   
  
"I..If you're not feeling well, we can just go tomorrow," She smiled sweetly, understandingly. "It's okay."  
  
"N-no, no, really! I'm fine, let's go." He chuckled, happy when it came out more confident and sure than he expected it to be.   
  
She smiled and nodded, continuing her story he didn't know the half of, completely unaware of every single emotion behind Lance's smile.   
  
  
  
  
The day was long and tiring and Lance couldn't wait to get home and into bed. These date days they had started wearing him out, and with every new date Allura seemed happier, whilst Lance felt.. more drained. He hoped she wasn't noticing. He hoped she wasn't noticing his lack of enthusiasm and jokes and wittiness and energy, too, because that's all he was giving her for the past couple of weeks.  
Before Lance climbed his apartment complex, him and Allura had a short but energy consuming make out session in her car that left Lance's hair messy and lips bruised, whilst Allura seemed almost intact. He felt guilty about that, too.   
  
Halfway through climbing up the stairs, he realized he had left his keys on the counter. _Shit_. He hoped someone was still up, so when he reached the door, he pressed his finger against the bell for only a short second, just to alert whoever was awake. He waits for a couple of long moments, before he hears shuffling from the other side and judging from the small amount of noise the person was taking, he guessed it was Pidge.   
  
It, actually, turned out to be Keith.   
  
Lance tried to pull on a small, fake smile that turned into a grimace in the end. He couldn't look at him for too long, because it _physically hurt_ , because he had ruined everything, every chance he might've had with him.   
  


"H-Hey." Keith is the first one to speak and he moves away, letting Lance in.   
  
"Hey." Lance replies, shrugging his jacket off his thin shoulders, hanging it up on the rack behind Keith's head. He doesn't say anything else, nor he moves further into the apartment. He simply..stays, leaning against the opposite wall of the narrow hall, watching Keith intensely.   
  
"We need to talk." They both decide in the same time, breaking the silence.   
  
Lance blinks. "You first."  
  
"No, you first." Keith replies, but then shakes his head. "N-no wait, I'll go first. I don't think I'll have the courage later." Keith changes his mind and stands up straight, to appear taller. "I h-have...I would.. I want to a-apologise." He settles with it.  
  
"For..?"  
  
"For. For.. I.. I've been distant and..ignoring you and f.for like.. yelling this morning and saying what I said." He murmurs, and there's something in Lance's chest, a fucking pang of something that turns into an explosion.   
  
Keith is apologizing. Keith is sorry and he didn't want to ignore him and he didn't want them to drift apart? These thoughts are clouding his mind and all he wants to do is hug him, but instead he collects himself and says: "Y-you don't have to apologise for that, Keith.. You're not..obliged to help me, if you don't want to."  
  
"I..I'm n-not.. I didn't say that b-because I didn't want to do it anymore.. T-the thing is, I w-wanted to. H-help you. Lance I-- I was.. I was being s-selfish-" he trips on his own tongue, not even recognizing the words hes saying. "I.. I felt.. completely different.. than you.. I was.. I was taking advantage of you, t-through that, kind of? I.. You w-were doing it for Allura and you and I w-was..doing it.. mostly for myself.." Keith says, lifting his hands up as he explains, eyes wandering over Lance's face that sports five expressions in the same time. Mostly confusion, though.  
  
These thoughts were now a hurricane and he's thinking about every single meaning these words could hold. Keith is..admitting. Something? Something, definitely something. He hates himself for how hopeful he gets, and he hates his heart for beating so hard, and he hates himself for feeling happy, _happy_ , because he wasn't the only one.   
  
"W-what?"  
  
"Lance I.. I fucking.. Okay, fuck, here it goes. I like you. I d-do. I fucking like you, have been...having feelings for you since day one, alright? I just..haven't realized how fucking bad I had it until you asked me to teach you how to kiss and we fucking kissed and it..didn't mean anything to you and it meant the world to me a-and.. I was..selfish.. Imagining you w-with me, only m-me and.. Why the fuck am I telling you this?" He rants, looking down at his hands, then balls them into fists and presses them to his sides.   
  
Lance is one hundred percent positive that he stopped breathing and his heart is now pumping blood everywhere except for his brain.   
  
"T-the point is that I've b-been an asshole towards y-you the whole time because I had feelings f-for you. A-and I.. came to terms with the fact that..it's not going to happen. You and I. A-and I wanted to apologize for the nth fucking time and promise you t-that I'll g-get over you and.. That I'll start b-being your friend." He finishes, taking a deep breath.   
  
Keith seemed so sure in his words. This..was the side of Keith Lance never encountered in his life. He was confident, strong, determined to make things right and he already decided, that he's going to move on. Because _Lance was with Allura_. And it could never happen. But no, _no_ , Lance wanted to scream, _Keith please_ \- His brain was a mush of emotions and he couldn't pick out anything coherent to say. He felt like he might crumble, like he might cry, because Lance couldn't do something Keith just played off so easily; confess his fucking love.   
  
It wasn't easy. It wasn't easy to admit. And he couldn't admit. Not.. Not yet, at least. Not until..  
  
"P-please say something.." Keith begs, his voice finally cracking under the pressure and nervousness he's feeling.   
  
"Lance? A-anything, I promise I'll c-change, I won't-" He stops when Lance moves. He's quick to take a step forward and Keith backs away, back hitting the wall. Lance almost sways forward ad captures his body in his arms, and press him tight against his chest. That's what he wants to do, at least.  
  
Instead, he grabs his jacket and pulls it over his shoulders. Maybe he still has time. Maybe she didn't leave yet. Maybe she will come back.   
  
"P-please-" He tries again but Lance doesn't even look back as he leaves the apartment, shutting the door behind him and the force makes the pictures on the wall shake.  
  
He's running down the stairs and it's not until he breaks through the front door of the building that he feels hot, desperate tears running down his cheeks. He almost drops his phone when he fishes it out of his pocket, and with teary eyes and heavy sobs, calls Allura.   
  
"Ha, knew you'd miss me so soon. What's up, Tiger?" Her voice is bright and cheerful, and Lance only feels worse. He feels like throwing up, like digging his eyes out, like cutting his tongue and crushing it under his feet.   
  
He doesn't reply, only lets out another soft, and shaky sob.   
  
"Lance," Her voice immediately shifts. "Lance, crap, are you okay? Do you want me to turn back? What's happening, are you okay?"  
  
"A-Ally-" He starts, her nickname making his throat tighten. "I'm so, I'm so sorry."   
  
"Lance..Lance, what are you sorry for? What are you talking about? I'm turning around, that's it, I'm coming back." She says, and her voice is thick with worry and Lance only nods, then releases a affirmative whimper.   
  
They hung up, and Lance only has five minutes to cry his soul out and try to think of a speech that he will be presenting his broken heart with.  
  
He hears rushed footsteps, and soon, there's a shadow over him and two arms around his torso, hugging him close. It's Allura, he knows, she's so warm and welcoming and he presses his face into her shoulder. She lets him cry for a little bit longer, and after three minutes, she pulls him away and stares into his eyes, her own worried and wide and so fucking scared.   
  
"A-Ally, I'm so sorry." It's the only explanation Lance could muster.   
  
"Sorry for what? Lance, what, w-why are you apologizing?" Her voice is shaking now, too.   
  
Lance slowly puts his palms over hers, and moves them away. Her hands drop coldly down to her sides, and she clutches at the edges of her shirt. _Nervous_.   
  
"A-Allura, I c-can't.. Do this anymore." He whispers, and he feels his heart shatter at the look on her face. "I'm s-sorry, I'm sorry, I.. I'm.. I've been.. liking.. someone else f-for.. For such a long time and I got with y-you and I.. F-fell for you too, but  I just, I don't," He swallows hard, and closes his eyes, deciding to look down at the cold, dirty pavement instead. "I d-don't think it's fair. Towards you. I.. I'm s-sorry, I'm so sorry for being a shitty boyfriend, for making you go through this, through everything j-just.. Just for me to.. To turn into a complete fucking _asshole_ -"  
  
"L-Lance." She pauses, and her voice is damp and shaky. "It's.. It's Keith, isn't it?"  
  
Lance looks up sharply, and is struck by how..collected she looks. "H-how do you..?"  
  
"It's.. It was pretty obvious." Allura sniffles, and wipes her nose with her sleeve. And then she smiles, and Lance is fucking dumb and has to take a few steps back. "I.. I noticed your behavior c-changing and.. And I thought it was m-maybe me, you know? That I wasn't good enough b-but.. But it's so _obvious_ now, I.. Lance, I'm not mad at you.."  
  
Lance widens his eyes: "Y-you? You're not? B-but how, I just, I thought you'd hate me-"  
  
"Why would I hate you, for wanting to be with who you truly love?" She asked, voice small and thin. "I.. I can't force you t-to.. To like me. I can't take your heart when it already belongs to someone else.."  
  
"Allura," Lance starts, and his face splits into a grin, and he wipes at his eyes quickly. "Allura, I l-love you. And I know I've never said it like this b-but I do, and I want you to know that. And you're so fucking beautiful and charming and _good_ , and I feel so guilty for wasting your time, only to realize that I'm really really gay for someone else," Lance laughs softly, but so does Allura and he feels relaxed, he feels at peace. "You're the most amazing person I've ever met."   
  
"I, I love you too, Lance. You know I do." She admits, and takes that step closer, closing the distance between them. "And I want you to know that I'm not mad at you. I'm.. I'm happy that you told me. I'm happy that you didn't do anything behind my back. And I.. it will take me some time to get over you but I promise you, I'll be fine. I just.. I want you to be happy." 

Lance is hugging her so impossibly tight, pressing his face into her white hair, that he loves threading his fingers through so much. The only person who's hair is as silky is Keith, and- Holy crap. _Keith_.   
  
"O-oh shit." Lance pulls away, staring at Allura, wide eyed. "I, I kinda just left K-Keith after he confessed to me. I _kinda just left_ , and made him think I hate him and I-"  
  
"Lance. Seriously, you're also the stupidest person I've ever met, too," Allura sighs with a breathless laugh. "Go. Go, get your man."  
  
"Will you..will you be okay? For sure?" He asks warily.   
  
"I'll be fine. Trust me." She says and leans up, giving Lance one last, soft, goodbye kiss. Lance smiles against her mouth, and kisses back.   
  
"Okay. Thank you for understanding. Thank you so impossibly much." he hugs her again, and murmurs another _thank you_ into her shoulder, before pulling away and racing upstairs, stopping only when he reaches their apartment door.   
  
Lance bangs against the door loudly, and he never stops knocking and ringing, _open up, you fucking emo faggo_ -  
  
The door suddenly swing open and Lance stumbles in, his fist missing the door and instead hitting Keith, right in his face.   
  
"OW! _What the fuck?!_ " Keith shouts and stumbles back, cupping both of his arms over his nose. "L-Lance?  What the _fuck_ are you doing here?"  
  
Lance has no time for checking did he seriously hurt Keith, when he shuts the door behind him and starts stripping off his jacket. "I, I broke up with Allura." He states, breathless.   
  
Keith is mute for about half a minute, before his hands drop down to his sides, and he's staring at him, wide eyed. "You.. _what?!_ "  
  
"I b-broke up with Allura." Lance repeats, taking off his shoes, never once taking his gaze away from Keith's. There's a newfound faith in his ribcage and he's fueled with adrenaline, blood pumping through his veins at an alarming speed. "J-Just now. I c-called her and I broke up with her, and she's okay. She.. She told me she knew. Well, assumed."  
  
"Knew _what_? Assumed _what_? Are you fucking nuts, you horsefaced heart breaking asshole?" Keith spits, but he isn't mad, not really. Lance can tell, because his eyes are sparkling and he's trembling- _excited_.   
  
"That I like you." He says, and the words take off a massive burden he's been carrying on his chest for far too long. Lance's face splits into a grin, and his chest are heaving with large, lungful breaths he's taking. He can't even breathe. "I fucking- I fucking like you, I have gay feelings for you. Have had them, s-since day one. And I, I didn't have the courage to say anything for months and then, then College and I thought I don't have a chance anymore. I was with Allura because I thought she would make me forget and I, I fucking asked you to kiss me because I've always wanted to know how would it be to kiss you, only you, not because of Allura."  
  
He finishes, all in one breath, and he feels fucking high. Keith is looking at him, and his eyes are wide and his mouth is open, and Lance realizes he was crying and his heart aches.   
  
"W-wait. Lance. Y-you-?"  
  
"Just kiss me, Keith. Kiss me for real." He asks, and curls his hands into fists.   
  
Keith practically surges forward. Their lips crash together and teeth clank painfully, and it's not pleasant at all. Keith's hands grab for Lance's waist, and he needily runs them up and cups Lance's cheeks. He tastes like her. He smells like her. It's driving him _insane.  
  
_ Keith's lips part and Lance's do the same; he's already mastered the art of kissing. It's fast, rough, needy, desperate, pulling at pushing and Lance doesn't know where he begins and where Keith ends. His fingers unfurl and he takes a grab of Keith's waist, pinning his thumbs to his hip bones, and pulling his pelvis to meet his. The contact makes them both groan, and Lance doesn't hesitate to slide his tongue into Keith's mouth. It's so warm and welcoming, immediately closing around it, teeth pressing to the warm muscle.   
Keith sucks Lance's tongue deeper, his own fighting against it, and Lance feels like he's losing the ground beneath his feet.   
  
And that is when Keith picks him up. He reaches down and grabs Lance's ass, making the boy jump slightly, and he pulls him up until Lance's long legs are around Keith's waist. They never stop kissing, too afraid to let go, gripping and holding on desperately. Keith peels Lance off the door, and walks blindly towards the livingroom. He is so fucking glad Shiro took everyone out, he makes a mental note to thank him later.   
  
Keith drops Lance on the mattress, and the brunette bounces off, but is immediately pressed down when Keith thrusts between his legs, finding himself on top him. Lance moans, low and raspy, and he doesn't let Keith savor it as much as he wanted when he grabs for his hair, and pulls him down so their lips could meet again. Lance's fingers curl at the back of his head, and he tugs at his hair, making Keith open his mouth. It's a smart strategy; making him gasp and forcing his lips apart, so he could claim his sweet, sweet treasure- Keith's mouth. It's his. _He_ is his. Lance wants to rub himself all over his body, leave his scent on him, leave his lips bruised and hair messed up. He's never kissed so hard in his life.   
  
Keith pulls away so he could breathe, and they both pant, lips slick with spit and tongues restless. It's not enough to make up for the years of pining.   
  
"L-Lance, fuck-"  
  
"God, mullet head, I had no idea you could kiss like this."  
  
"Same goes for you, Horse face." Keith smirks, and Lance is vaguely aware of Keith's fingers pushing his shirt up, exposing his tan, flat stomach. He runs his digits over it, feeling the bumps of his abs and gentle creeks between them.   
  
He's watching Lance's expression carefully, when he slips one finger around his bellybutton and down his navel, and Lance arches up beautifully. Keith chuckles breathlessly, and leans down, pressing his mouth in an open-mouthed kiss at the base of Lance's throat.   
  
"G-God." Lance moans throatily, and Keith feels the ski vibrate under his mouth. He sucks gently on the spot, lips brushing faintly over the hot, pulsing vein on Lance's neck.   
  
Brunette tilts his head to the side, allowing him more territory. His arms snake around Keith's back, to press into his shoulder blades and push him down further, until his mouth is pressing against Lance's skin, hard and warm. Keith decides it's not the best time for teasing, and he starts working a mark on his throat, right under his jaw. His teeth are merciless when he bites down, making Lance moan and arch up, crotch brushing against Keith's.   
His tongue soothes the skin after every bite, wet and hot, dragging over Lance's throat in long, wet stripes. They're both so fucking gone with lust and arousal, and Keith's fingers do the unpredictable - they wrap around Lance's throat, and squeeze.  
  
" _H-holy fuck_ , K-Keith-" Lance sobs, and it sounds so painful, so needy and _fucking gone_ , Keith needs to kiss him again. He pulls away from the large bruise he had made on his neck, and presses his mouth to Lance's.   
  
This time, it's not as hard and desperate. He's more controlled, pressing where it needs to, parting Lance's lips and slipping his tongue inside, getting a brief taste before pulling out, only to kiss away the want from Lance's mouth. It's more languid now, with deeper meanings and no secret agenda; it's honest, it's them, and it's their feelings. They're doing this for themselves, for each other, because they wanted to.   
  
Keith's arms slip further under Lance's shirt and Lance's nails trail down Keith's spine, making them both arch into one another, feeling every inch of their clothed bodies. They kiss and touch until they can't anymore. Lance's jaw is tired and Keith's fingertips are bruised for touching so much, but he feels as if this is _still_ not enough. He knows what he really wants but right now, it would be too much and they're tired. They're so lost in one another they forget about the time, and when Keith glances at the clock, its almost 10 pm. They've been thoroughly making out for almost an hour.   
  
"Lance.." He pulls away and whispers, licking over his bruised, chapped lips. "I, it's, it's almost 10 pm."  
  
Lance doesn't open his eyes, but only smiles lazily, blinding Keith shortly with his pearly white teeth. "Holy shit. I feel so royally fucked out right now, even though all we did is kiss 'n touch." He admits, and Keith agrees.  
  
They both developed semi hard on's somewhere throughout their making out session but both were too lazy and too into each other to actually do something about it, so they retrieved into a dull ache between their thighs.  
  
"I can't feel my legs, I'm too tired to move." Lance whines, and finally opens his eyes to look up. Keith is so beautiful above him.  
  
"Let's just sleep like this." Keith suggests, grinning lazily.  
  
"Fine. But I'm the big spoon." Lance says, and pushes Keith off playfully, until he's laying on his side next to Lance.  
  
"Why the fuck?"  
  
"Because your ass is perfect 'n I wanna feel it, alright?" Lance slurs tiredly, but doesn't miss the blush that crept upon Keith's face.  
  
"Fine, whatever, ugly."  Keith turns on his hip, his back facing Lance, and the latter is immediately pressed up against his back, arm around his waist. "Ew, I can feel your dick against my ass."  
  
"That's the point." Lance smirks, and presses his nose into Keith's neck. He kisses his nape, letting his lips linger there for a moment longer, before pulling away and settling comfortably into the curve of Keith's body.  
  
They fall silent, and it's comfortable, warm and cozy. Keith is already drifting off, worn out and tired, when Lance speaks:  
  
"Hey, Keith?"  
  
A groan. And then: "What, Lance?"  
  
"Are we..are we, like..dating now?"  
  
"No. I don't want to date your ugly ass."  
  
Lance gasps, smacking Keith's hip slightly. "I am offended!"  
  
"Of course we're dating, idiot. You kinda groped my dick and moaned how _good I am_. I think that pretty sure makes me your boyfriend now." Keith grins lazily, feeling Lance stiffen behind him.   
  
"I did not do that!"  
  
"You did."  
  
"Did not!"  
  
"Lance," Keith groans, and tilts his head to press a bruising kiss to his lips. "I like you, but I won't hesitate to shove you down and make you sleep on the floor. Now please shut up, will you?"  
  
" _Fine_." Lance snorted, and patted Keith's butt softly, before his arm found purchase around his waist again. "Goodnight, _boyfriend_."  
  
"Good night, _Lance_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hffgJJDFJFG HellO.. It s bee n 70 y-years...
> 
> no seriously im so sorry for just disappearing like that, shit
> 
> ive fought a major writers block but i finished this, and i love this chapter, especially the last part <3 a massive thank you to all of you who read it and commented, i appreciate it so much !  
> the last part will be one klance chapter, with lots of smut in it, so hAH look forward to that!! 
> 
> haPPY HALLOWEEN ??!!??


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